Automata: Don't Love (Chapter 3a)
Aug. 1st, 2013 11:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silverdoll14Title: Automata: Don’t Love Me
Disclaimer: Big emphasis to “Fiction”. The only thing I own is the idea and plot.
Fandom: Arashi, DBSK/JYJ, Super Junior
Pairing: HaeHyuk (Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae), Ohmiya (Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari), YunJae (Jung Yunho/ Kim Jaejoong)
Rating: PG-13 to R
Genre: AU, Drama/Angst, Fantasy, Romance
Chapter – Word Count: Chapter 3 – 5 483 words
Summary: How can two people love each other when only one of them is entitled to exist to love and be loved?
Warning: Unbeta-ed
Author’s Notes: Back, and this time it’s more of Yunho and Jaejoong’s background. XD
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At the click of the light, Yunho's view brightens. He sighs in relief that finally he is home. His limbs are sore and so his eyes too for sitting and staring at his computer for the whole day. It's a Sunday afternoon already and his weekend is ending with work and surely that Monday is approaching, it seems his week will also be starting with work. Guess he'll take that bait of spending a week vacation in Japan as their Nino hyung has suggested yesterday afternoon.
Just after graduation, he has started to work his ass off, night and day without fail. Just so he could prove them he is worth it. Just to prove everyone he doesn't live in anyone's shadow, especially his father's.
"So that's the only son of Jung Byungguk? Tsk. What a lucky bastard."
And that's what he has hated the most.
Yunho unbuttons his polo shirt facing the mirror. He is already in his bedroom as he plans on taking a relaxing shower to calm his nerves. And then his home phone rings but he doesn't answer. If it's important, they'll leave a message and he can call back. Right now, he needs that shower more than anything. The bathroom door closes with a click and he misses what the message the caller leaves.
“Yunho-ah… Uhm… I was just wondering if you and Jaejoong-ah are free this coming Saturday. You see, it’s our wedding anniversary so I’m planning to go and visit your mom’s grave … I was hoping if the three of us could go together and maybe Jaejoong wants to visit his parents too. I.. I... I hope to see you... and... Goodluck... to your presentation tomorrow... that’s all… son…”
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
It's cold, super cold. It feels like water is splash over him in the middle of the raging blizzard and it freezes his whole body. Words are enough already if he isn’t wanted there, then let him disappear. Better yet, it is better if he isn't born. He knew right from the start. And so he runs for his dear life to his own little haven, locking everyone away from his sanctuary.
“You shouldn’t cry. You shouldn’t cry, you bapo!”
He chants to his self, scolding his self as he hears another voice calling for him, telling him to open up. But he is stubborn and so he doesn’t listen to anyone but to his voice.
“You shouldn’t cry! You are strong and you can stand on your own! You are not weak!”
He says to himself, repeating it like a prayer as he wipes angrily his tears.
Anger and anguish are two different things yet it makes you stronger. Well, that’s what his young mind believes anyways. And because it is so powerful, unexplainable things can happen.
And then there is red, everywhere as anger overwhelms his body. He looks at his hands, his skin and everything is glowing in a reddish aura.
"Ugh!" He feels the pain and he bites his lower lip to strain his moan of pain. No, he can't come weak...
No, not a sound, not even a sight can expose his weakness... especially to him... not to him....
His lower lip may be bleeding already as he bites to it continuously and pain enters his senses. It's like he is bitten by a snake and the poison slowly but surely spreads throughout his system, breaking everything it passes by. It scares him. But he doesn't do anything because he is paralyzed and he can't do anything but to tremble.
"Is this the end?" He asks to no one in particular. Because this is so peculiar, an unknown happening and it scares his all being, especially being alone to experience it. Yet somehow it calms him little by little. Or maybe in so little time, he learns to embrace it. There's no one to confide to, no one to ask for help. In his fifteen years living, it is always him against the world.
HE. IS. ALONE....
He hears frantic shouts and pounding knocks against a wooden surface but none of it matters.
He closes his eyes and let the darkness swallows his sights yet still the reddish glow doesn’t falter in that dimness as he waits... waits for everything to end…
the agony…
the pain...
and even his life…
...
….
…..
And then when everything stops in an instant, the pain in his whole body gone and the anger he feels completely subsides. He slowly opens his eyes and light has greeted his sight that startles him and when everything is getting clear as he tries to adjust his eyes to the light, he sees the most beautiful doe-like eyes he has seen all his life meeting his.
Yunho open his eyes and the small light coming from his half-closed curtains has lighted his view. He glances to his bedside table and sees it's only a quarter past seven, enough time to prepare his self for work that starts at nine.
He stretches his limbs as he sits down and that's when his nose picks up a familiar scent, the scent of coffee being made in the coffee maker, the light sound of sizzles as the egg is being fried over the pan in the stove and then there's the light hums coming from someone and everything brings a smile on his face.
And so he prepares his self for the day, taking a shower and shaving the tiny hairs forming by his chin. Today is the presentation and he needs to look at his best. A black suit is already prepared in his walk-in closet and he finds that choice fitting out of all his suits. He smirks. His friend does really have a good taste when it comes to fashion. The design in it is already simple yet sophisticated. It is matched with an inner bluish polo and a dirty white necktie with stripes of black, blue, and red variety of diagonal lines that crosses each other. He grabs his briefcase and heads towards the kitchen and sees the other man, and his smile brightens more.
He leans his side the frame as he watches him, his friend throughout of those years as the other hums melodies while making breakfast in the stove. Of course the other is unaware of his presence and he let it be... because at this time he can enjoy such sight not until the other turns around.
"Argh!" The other exclaims and it amuses Yunho more.
"Yah Jung Yunho! You could have said something."
"Sorry Jae... you look too amusing to disturb." Yunho admits and he misses the blush the other sports after his statement as he makes his way towards his place in the breakfast bar by the kitchen.
Jaejoong doesn't comment anymore and shrugs but those words have given him chills of excitement throughout his body and heat by his cheeks. He just let Yunho to go and settle in his sit and probably starting to read the newspaper in the counter as he waits for his breakfast.
Jaejoong just then shrugs it off and get on with what he is doing, glad he gives amusement somehow. He doesn’t notice that Yunho stops reading and just stares at Jaejoong.
A lot is on the mind Yunho, how everything has just passed by. It feels like it is just yesterday when Yunho first has laid eyes on Jaejoong and now, both them are fully grown up men. He may be ‘younger’ but it is exactly the oppo-
“You know, if stares can kill, I’m probably be dead by now.”
Yunho snaps out of it and chuckles in embarrassment. He hates it when he is caught but then, it’s actually quite amusing if Jaejoong is the one who has caught him. Either a small smile, a spontaneous statement or if it’s for the worse, then get ready for the wrath of Kim Jaejoong.
“Here…” Jaejoong says as he places Yunho’s plate in front the latter, while he places his in front of him. He takes first the coffee maker beside the stove before settling in the counter in front of Yunho, who is already munching his omelet.
“Mmmm~” Yunho moans in satisfaction with the food and Jaejoong has forgotten they are already in their late 20s that moment.
“Oi! Wait for me before you dig out what I cook!” Jaejoong scolds playfully and Yunho just reply with a grin while shoving another spoonful of rise and omelet bits in his mouth. Jaejoong smiles because it is always a bonus to see Yunho just himself and not a young vice-president of a big company.
Their breakfast then consists of laughter, moans of appreciation (mostly in Yunho’s part because really, no one can deny Jaejoong’s cooking skills. He might as well be just a chef.) and talks about things may it be the with serious matters or the most silly things and both of them is enjoying each other's company. But Jaejoong has other things in his mind and that includes Yunho's father. He doesn't know if it's the right time to say something about him but he has to let him know, it concerns him after all.
“It’s your parents’ anniversary this coming Saturday.” Jaejoong’s inserts, soft and hesitant. His eyes are only trained in the almost finished breakfast and he plays with it, since it seems it’s the most interesting to look at the moment. He doesn’t see the change in the expression of Yunho’s small face, a small smile turning into a frown.
Yunho on the other hand doesn’t know what to say. The last time he hears about something like this was yesterday evening, a message left in his phone and he doesn’t really want to hear any more of it.
“Well, I’m just thinking maybe we should head to the cemetery and visit your mother with your father….” Jaejoong continues because the silence is killing him. He knows he doesn’t have the right to pry in Yunho’s family life but Jaejoong cares for both Mr. Jung and Yunho and he wants the best for both of them.
Jaejoong isn’t honestly surprise when he has gotten a call from Mr. Jung last night. The said 56 year-old will always call him to talk to him, ask about how he is and so is the café and his job and discreetly also ask about Yunho. The old man doesn’t admit it but Jaejoong knows the only reason he is calling Jaejoong is to know about Yunho’s whereabouts. He doesn’t complain and he actually likes it because it feels that Mr. Jung has trusted him about his son. One time, he even kids with Mr. Jung saying, “You know Mr. Jung, No offense but if you want to ask about Yunho, just ask away… You don’t need to go stray away just to get information from me.” And he has gotten himself a warm laugh as a reply, similar to Yunho’s. It’s hoarser maybe because of his age but definitely it’s the same as Yunho. But then, last night is different and he feels he needs to do something already. He knows sometimes he does try to talk it out with Yunho but the latter doesn’t let him. It always ends up in a bad way and Jaejoong doesn’t want that. He knows it’s a sensitive topic but he one way or another, Yunho has to loosen up and open up.
And it seems, it isn’t today again.
“Jaejoong…” His tone has a warning to it and Jaejoong knows Yunho wants him to stop, that it’s already the end of the line and shall not be added but right now, Jaejoong is fed up and so he speaks up.
“What Yunho? Don’t tell me you don’t want to come just because you still can’t be in terms with your father. For Pete’s sake Yunho! it’s been twelve years already that I fully know you and since then you haven’t even have a single normal conversation with him.” Jaejoong bursts as he stands up, his palms slamming harshly against the ceramic tile of the counter and his eyes looking straight up to Yunho’s eyes. He doesn’t mean to explode like that and he doesn’t know how such bold words can come out of his mouth. Maybe he just exaggerated… or maybe is just frustrated because like what he has said, it been twelve years already and it seems Yunho doesn’t trust him much to share this burden with him.
“I’m going. Thanks for the food.” Yunho diminishes their talk just like that. He just walks out there, getting his briefcase and walking out of his apartment while Jaejoong remains standing there, looking down at two plates with both leftovers.
Jaejoong looks up and stares at nothingness, in his mind comes flashback. He remembers clearly Yunho’s small brown eyes looking back at him that emits a little panic yet full of sadness just like the ones he has seen the first time Jaejoong has opened his eyes back eight years ago from coma as they have said. And he ask his self,
“Am I asking too much?”
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Author's Notes:
LJ is jerk and so I need to cut this in three parts... TT_TT
Disclaimer: Big emphasis to “Fiction”. The only thing I own is the idea and plot.
Fandom: Arashi, DBSK/JYJ, Super Junior
Pairing: HaeHyuk (Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae), Ohmiya (Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari), YunJae (Jung Yunho/ Kim Jaejoong)
Rating: PG-13 to R
Genre: AU, Drama/Angst, Fantasy, Romance
Chapter – Word Count: Chapter 3 – 5 483 words
Summary: How can two people love each other when only one of them is entitled to exist to love and be loved?
Warning: Unbeta-ed
Author’s Notes: Back, and this time it’s more of Yunho and Jaejoong’s background. XD
------------------------------------
At the click of the light, Yunho's view brightens. He sighs in relief that finally he is home. His limbs are sore and so his eyes too for sitting and staring at his computer for the whole day. It's a Sunday afternoon already and his weekend is ending with work and surely that Monday is approaching, it seems his week will also be starting with work. Guess he'll take that bait of spending a week vacation in Japan as their Nino hyung has suggested yesterday afternoon.
Just after graduation, he has started to work his ass off, night and day without fail. Just so he could prove them he is worth it. Just to prove everyone he doesn't live in anyone's shadow, especially his father's.
"So that's the only son of Jung Byungguk? Tsk. What a lucky bastard."
And that's what he has hated the most.
Yunho unbuttons his polo shirt facing the mirror. He is already in his bedroom as he plans on taking a relaxing shower to calm his nerves. And then his home phone rings but he doesn't answer. If it's important, they'll leave a message and he can call back. Right now, he needs that shower more than anything. The bathroom door closes with a click and he misses what the message the caller leaves.
“Yunho-ah… Uhm… I was just wondering if you and Jaejoong-ah are free this coming Saturday. You see, it’s our wedding anniversary so I’m planning to go and visit your mom’s grave … I was hoping if the three of us could go together and maybe Jaejoong wants to visit his parents too. I.. I... I hope to see you... and... Goodluck... to your presentation tomorrow... that’s all… son…”
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
It's cold, super cold. It feels like water is splash over him in the middle of the raging blizzard and it freezes his whole body. Words are enough already if he isn’t wanted there, then let him disappear. Better yet, it is better if he isn't born. He knew right from the start. And so he runs for his dear life to his own little haven, locking everyone away from his sanctuary.
“You shouldn’t cry. You shouldn’t cry, you bapo!”
He chants to his self, scolding his self as he hears another voice calling for him, telling him to open up. But he is stubborn and so he doesn’t listen to anyone but to his voice.
“You shouldn’t cry! You are strong and you can stand on your own! You are not weak!”
He says to himself, repeating it like a prayer as he wipes angrily his tears.
Anger and anguish are two different things yet it makes you stronger. Well, that’s what his young mind believes anyways. And because it is so powerful, unexplainable things can happen.
And then there is red, everywhere as anger overwhelms his body. He looks at his hands, his skin and everything is glowing in a reddish aura.
"Ugh!" He feels the pain and he bites his lower lip to strain his moan of pain. No, he can't come weak...
No, not a sound, not even a sight can expose his weakness... especially to him... not to him....
His lower lip may be bleeding already as he bites to it continuously and pain enters his senses. It's like he is bitten by a snake and the poison slowly but surely spreads throughout his system, breaking everything it passes by. It scares him. But he doesn't do anything because he is paralyzed and he can't do anything but to tremble.
"Is this the end?" He asks to no one in particular. Because this is so peculiar, an unknown happening and it scares his all being, especially being alone to experience it. Yet somehow it calms him little by little. Or maybe in so little time, he learns to embrace it. There's no one to confide to, no one to ask for help. In his fifteen years living, it is always him against the world.
HE. IS. ALONE....
He hears frantic shouts and pounding knocks against a wooden surface but none of it matters.
He closes his eyes and let the darkness swallows his sights yet still the reddish glow doesn’t falter in that dimness as he waits... waits for everything to end…
the agony…
the pain...
and even his life…
...
….
…..
And then when everything stops in an instant, the pain in his whole body gone and the anger he feels completely subsides. He slowly opens his eyes and light has greeted his sight that startles him and when everything is getting clear as he tries to adjust his eyes to the light, he sees the most beautiful doe-like eyes he has seen all his life meeting his.
Yunho open his eyes and the small light coming from his half-closed curtains has lighted his view. He glances to his bedside table and sees it's only a quarter past seven, enough time to prepare his self for work that starts at nine.
He stretches his limbs as he sits down and that's when his nose picks up a familiar scent, the scent of coffee being made in the coffee maker, the light sound of sizzles as the egg is being fried over the pan in the stove and then there's the light hums coming from someone and everything brings a smile on his face.
And so he prepares his self for the day, taking a shower and shaving the tiny hairs forming by his chin. Today is the presentation and he needs to look at his best. A black suit is already prepared in his walk-in closet and he finds that choice fitting out of all his suits. He smirks. His friend does really have a good taste when it comes to fashion. The design in it is already simple yet sophisticated. It is matched with an inner bluish polo and a dirty white necktie with stripes of black, blue, and red variety of diagonal lines that crosses each other. He grabs his briefcase and heads towards the kitchen and sees the other man, and his smile brightens more.
He leans his side the frame as he watches him, his friend throughout of those years as the other hums melodies while making breakfast in the stove. Of course the other is unaware of his presence and he let it be... because at this time he can enjoy such sight not until the other turns around.
"Argh!" The other exclaims and it amuses Yunho more.
"Yah Jung Yunho! You could have said something."
"Sorry Jae... you look too amusing to disturb." Yunho admits and he misses the blush the other sports after his statement as he makes his way towards his place in the breakfast bar by the kitchen.
Jaejoong doesn't comment anymore and shrugs but those words have given him chills of excitement throughout his body and heat by his cheeks. He just let Yunho to go and settle in his sit and probably starting to read the newspaper in the counter as he waits for his breakfast.
Jaejoong just then shrugs it off and get on with what he is doing, glad he gives amusement somehow. He doesn’t notice that Yunho stops reading and just stares at Jaejoong.
A lot is on the mind Yunho, how everything has just passed by. It feels like it is just yesterday when Yunho first has laid eyes on Jaejoong and now, both them are fully grown up men. He may be ‘younger’ but it is exactly the oppo-
“You know, if stares can kill, I’m probably be dead by now.”
Yunho snaps out of it and chuckles in embarrassment. He hates it when he is caught but then, it’s actually quite amusing if Jaejoong is the one who has caught him. Either a small smile, a spontaneous statement or if it’s for the worse, then get ready for the wrath of Kim Jaejoong.
“Here…” Jaejoong says as he places Yunho’s plate in front the latter, while he places his in front of him. He takes first the coffee maker beside the stove before settling in the counter in front of Yunho, who is already munching his omelet.
“Mmmm~” Yunho moans in satisfaction with the food and Jaejoong has forgotten they are already in their late 20s that moment.
“Oi! Wait for me before you dig out what I cook!” Jaejoong scolds playfully and Yunho just reply with a grin while shoving another spoonful of rise and omelet bits in his mouth. Jaejoong smiles because it is always a bonus to see Yunho just himself and not a young vice-president of a big company.
Their breakfast then consists of laughter, moans of appreciation (mostly in Yunho’s part because really, no one can deny Jaejoong’s cooking skills. He might as well be just a chef.) and talks about things may it be the with serious matters or the most silly things and both of them is enjoying each other's company. But Jaejoong has other things in his mind and that includes Yunho's father. He doesn't know if it's the right time to say something about him but he has to let him know, it concerns him after all.
“It’s your parents’ anniversary this coming Saturday.” Jaejoong’s inserts, soft and hesitant. His eyes are only trained in the almost finished breakfast and he plays with it, since it seems it’s the most interesting to look at the moment. He doesn’t see the change in the expression of Yunho’s small face, a small smile turning into a frown.
Yunho on the other hand doesn’t know what to say. The last time he hears about something like this was yesterday evening, a message left in his phone and he doesn’t really want to hear any more of it.
“Well, I’m just thinking maybe we should head to the cemetery and visit your mother with your father….” Jaejoong continues because the silence is killing him. He knows he doesn’t have the right to pry in Yunho’s family life but Jaejoong cares for both Mr. Jung and Yunho and he wants the best for both of them.
Jaejoong isn’t honestly surprise when he has gotten a call from Mr. Jung last night. The said 56 year-old will always call him to talk to him, ask about how he is and so is the café and his job and discreetly also ask about Yunho. The old man doesn’t admit it but Jaejoong knows the only reason he is calling Jaejoong is to know about Yunho’s whereabouts. He doesn’t complain and he actually likes it because it feels that Mr. Jung has trusted him about his son. One time, he even kids with Mr. Jung saying, “You know Mr. Jung, No offense but if you want to ask about Yunho, just ask away… You don’t need to go stray away just to get information from me.” And he has gotten himself a warm laugh as a reply, similar to Yunho’s. It’s hoarser maybe because of his age but definitely it’s the same as Yunho. But then, last night is different and he feels he needs to do something already. He knows sometimes he does try to talk it out with Yunho but the latter doesn’t let him. It always ends up in a bad way and Jaejoong doesn’t want that. He knows it’s a sensitive topic but he one way or another, Yunho has to loosen up and open up.
And it seems, it isn’t today again.
“Jaejoong…” His tone has a warning to it and Jaejoong knows Yunho wants him to stop, that it’s already the end of the line and shall not be added but right now, Jaejoong is fed up and so he speaks up.
“What Yunho? Don’t tell me you don’t want to come just because you still can’t be in terms with your father. For Pete’s sake Yunho! it’s been twelve years already that I fully know you and since then you haven’t even have a single normal conversation with him.” Jaejoong bursts as he stands up, his palms slamming harshly against the ceramic tile of the counter and his eyes looking straight up to Yunho’s eyes. He doesn’t mean to explode like that and he doesn’t know how such bold words can come out of his mouth. Maybe he just exaggerated… or maybe is just frustrated because like what he has said, it been twelve years already and it seems Yunho doesn’t trust him much to share this burden with him.
“I’m going. Thanks for the food.” Yunho diminishes their talk just like that. He just walks out there, getting his briefcase and walking out of his apartment while Jaejoong remains standing there, looking down at two plates with both leftovers.
Jaejoong looks up and stares at nothingness, in his mind comes flashback. He remembers clearly Yunho’s small brown eyes looking back at him that emits a little panic yet full of sadness just like the ones he has seen the first time Jaejoong has opened his eyes back eight years ago from coma as they have said. And he ask his self,
“Am I asking too much?”
Chapter 2 | Chapter 3a | Chapter 3b
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Author's Notes:
LJ is jerk and so I need to cut this in three parts... TT_TT
